Monday, May 30, 2011

lots of sheep = lots of flies


When thinking of Provence, there are certain romantic images that swim through the  head... lavender, Rosé, the beautiful works of Cézanne, and the glamour of the Côte d'Azur. One image that probably doesn't make the cut are flies. Lots and lots of pesky flies. But trust me, they are as Provencal as Pastis. As soon as the temperature rises, they appear, in abundance, ready to get their annoying on. 

Where normally we have loads, right now we have sh*t loads thanks to the flock of sheep grazing outside the village. With their stinky wool coats, come the flies, and I lose my mind a little bit. So as Fifty and I battle the little buggers (me armed with a dishtowel, and Fifty bare-pawed) please enjoy this fly post from last summer. (originally posted 21st July 2010)

Thank you. 
................................................................................................................

Since summer is on full blast in Le Petit Village (not complaining, that winter was a beyotch), besides the sock and sandal wearing tourists, another breed has arrived; the fly kind (no, not Superfly, that would be cool though). Flies. As in those little annoying winged flying things.

{fly on holiday}                                        

Our house doesn't have screens on the windows. Whenever a window is open, a new fleet of little flying a-holes arrive; ready to land on the table, the wall, me, and to really piss me off, something I'm eating. The windows are always open. Every one of them, all the time. It's wicked hot here and there's no AC. I'm actually praying for Monsieur Mistral so I can get a little air in here.

I hate flies. Hate them. They all deserve to be destroyed. But there are a few methods to ensure mass destruction of those pesky buggars...

*That awful hanging tape where little fly corpses stick on display. No thank you. These just don't seem very hygienic to me. Little dead fly bodies decorating your living room. Gross.

*Bug spray. This is good. Although the smell gets me a little woozy because I have a tendency to get trigger happy (I'm like the end of Scarface)

*Fifty. He loves trying to kill flies. But letting him loose is not that great of an idea. Although it is non-stop fun watching him bite at the air. I'm getting worried about the furniture that he's slamming his body into as he throws on the breaks and skids across the floor.

*A dish towel. This is my preferred method. I'm a ninja with that thing. One quick snap and game over (in a stealth like fashion... never even saw me coming... suckers).

*Nunchucks and Chinese Stars. (not yet, I'm still waiting for the ones I ordered on the internet). 

I'm beginning to worry about my sanity a bit. I get a lot of enjoyment from the death of these little fly aholes and do a lot of trash talking in the process....

"yeah, how you like me now?"

"that's right, tell your friends" 

"wax on wax off bitches"

In the immortal words of Vanilla Ice... 

"slice like a ninja cut like a razor blade"

I'm out.

Word to your mother.

bisou

 

P.S. Those nunchucks and Chinese Stars never did make it to Le Petit Village. I'm blaming that one on La Poste. 

P.S.S. don't forget to enter my summer read giveaway here 


23 comments:

  1. Haha! I love this! Bugs are awful and ones with wings are definitely the worst!

    Want to know something terrible? We have tiny fly/gnat creatures that are coming out of our bathroom sinks. Why/how they live in the drains is beyond me, but it FREAKS me out! I've taken to stuffing tissue into the holes in the sink in an attempt to keep them out! GRRR!

    Good luck with your towel/fifty method, at least it sounds effect, albeit a lot of work!

    <3

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  2. Hilarious! We have a bit of a fly problem here in Australia too and my husband also wields the dishcloth with ninja-like precision, I thought he was the only nutcase that did! Ha, shows what I know!

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  3. Hysterical! You've just made my Monday morning :)

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  4. hahah! we don't have sheeps in the city nor that many flies, but even more mosquitos! awful ones! they attack me at night, i can have 10 bites every night - even in my face. I haaaate them! ;)

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  5. Are they the ones that leave little black poo dots on everything?? That used to drive me crazy in Bretagne, especially at the farm. All the flies would be flying around outside, landing on the cows and their poo, and then they would come inside the house and leave poo dots on EVERYTHING. The remote control, the newspaper, the table, whatever raw meat they had left to thaw on the counter, our lunch settings, the baguettes, etc.

    Seriously. Black poo dots everywhere. It used to disgust me to no end. I was like "Get some screens people!!" and they were like "No way, we don't want to feel like we're in a prison!!" But on a positive note, living there for five years left me with one beefed-up immune system. lol

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  6. You and my Mr could have a dual wit the teatowel snapping .. he loves it every summer, running around the house snap, snap, snapping. He's getting quite good.

    Laughed at your wax on wax off btw (-:

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  7. Gross! Flies creep me out ever since I saw Amityville (sp?) Horror as a child.

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  8. Goin' all "Kill Bill" on the flies is cool, just don't get carried away and pop a towel on the Husband.

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  9. Two words:

    Pantry moths.

    'Nuff said.

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  10. This was a lot of fun to read - I love your writing style. Have fun with your quick snapping dish towel!

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  11. I know I'm going to sound like a real Texan here but... what is/are pastis? I know, I'm a numb-nut.

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  12. i hate flies - grew up with deer flies in minnesota and now my college age son is complaining about river flies infesting his campus in wisconsin!

    so even though flies may seem more glamorous because they are french flies (hehe) it seems they are still equally irritant?!

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  13. If you are precise - and I take it you are, what with your tea towel and all - a rubber band and a ruler works a treat. Reminds me of that joke...
    "what was the last thing the fly saw when he slammed nto the windscreen?"
    "his ass...."
    Giddyup
    T x

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  14. Hairspray. The cheap stuff, like AquaNet. It works wonders for flies, yellow jackets, etc., anything with wings.

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  15. I feel your pain! I am now living up in northern Canada and the bugs here are like none I've ever seen anywhere in the world. There are horseflies here affectionately referred to as bulldogs that are literally the size of your thumb. The worst part is they bite, and not a little bite - they take a chunk right out of you! Perhaps that will make your houseflies a little more bearable?

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  16. very amusingly written Sara Louise. I too hate flies with a vengence. I used to live on a farm where their were horseflies and in a buthcer's years ago where there were maggots. Yuck!!

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  17. Dear Sar,
    we also have many fly problems here in Italy! My little Strike hates flies! Whenhe saw them he goesn under the table of my office ... but your Petite Village is wonderful also with flies!
    Bisou, Babi

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  18. So funny! When I lived in Nice I had an infestation of mosquitoes! I usually like the no screen policy on windows, but I am definitely not used to having bugs in the house!

    Courage with the flies and thanks for commenting on my blog!

    -Courtney

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  19. Couldn't stop laughing as I read your post. I'm like a crazy person with flies too, swatting at anything that comes my way. We had dinner outside last night, now that the weather is getting nicer. Bad idea - covered in mosquito bites this morning!

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  20. Gahhh the flies drive me insane! And what's with having NO Screens on the windows in Europe?!?
    My in-laws bought us new aluminum windows WITH screens as a gift for our Greek summer house last year. Thank the LORD!
    The bugs can be overwhelming in a hot climate.

    AND you sound like a far better fly-assassin then I ever was.

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  21. LOL I remember this post. I loved it then and I love it now. Makes me laugh, although I feel sorry for you.

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  22. You never cease to make me LOL with your comments in your posts.
    I, too, like to shout at bugs as I murder them, but "wax on wax off bitches" is utter brilliance.

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  23. Agree totally but the only real answer is screens on the windows and doors.

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