Wednesday, April 20, 2011

we've come a long way baby

I've been reminiscing about my furry little angel. I'm not sure if it's because we're headed to French Mommy's this weekend and I've been thinking about how small he was the first time we brought him (and how many times we had to stop on the way to clean up puppy vomit), or maybe it's because I haven't come home to find any evidence of puppy rage for awhile (chewed appliances, shoes, table legs, etc...). But either way, my little guy is all grown up, and since I'm feeling a tad nostalgic, let's take a peek into the not so distant puppy past originally posted 28 April 2010

First there was the original Baby. A wee white bear that came home with Fifty on his first day in Le Petit Village. A little present to make him feel comfortable and loved.

After about a month, Baby was looking pretty nasty (as you would if you spent a month coated in puppy saliva) and I threw him in the washing machine. From then on, Baby got weekly washings. He would be dried on top of the radiator with Fifty anxiously waiting. After he was dry, Fifty would walk over and I'd put Baby back in his mouth and he'd curl up on the floor.

It didn't take too many washes for the squeaky noise inside Baby to disappear. There was a whistling wheeze for a bit, and then nothing.

Sometime around January, I noticed that Baby had been gnawed on quite a bit. Every week when I retrieved Baby from Fifty's little house (Chez Fifty as we like to call it) he looked worse. Clearly Baby was no longer for cuddles. Fifty was slowing torturing Baby to death by chewing.

Eventually I made the shocking discovery; Baby was as headless as Anne Boleyn (I've been watching reruns of The Tudors lately). There was only one thing to do, lay Baby to rest in the trash can. It was a sad day. And I scolded Fifty and told him that he shouldn't torture and kill his friends.

{An innocent Fifty and Baby in happier times}

Next was 'the toy'. A braided circle of thick rope. It held up pretty well transitioning from a circle to a half circle with long bits of rope hanging from it. Fifty would put it in his mouth and whip it around. You didn't want to get struck in the leg while that thing was being whipped about. If it had little metal balls on the end it would have been perfect for a flailing (not that I've ever flailed, but I saw that albino do it in The Da Vinci Code).

Eventually the flailing toy went the way of Baby...

{Fifty. Caught Red Pawed
Flailing toy carcass and it's killer}

Because I'm a softy and Fifty was sans Baby and toy, it was time for something new. Last weekend, The Husband and I struggled in the dog toy section of the pet store. There was a cuddly looking cow that I wanted and a long eared doggy that The Husband liked. I didn't want The Husband whining on a Saturday so we came home with the doggy.

It wasn't too bad. Not the original Baby by any means but it looked sturdy enough and made two different squeaking noises; a high pitched one when his head was squeezed and a low pitched one when you squeezed his little doggy butt.

Less than a day after having him, I found these, on the floor...

{Exhibit A. Doggy Eyeballs}

In case you are unfamiliar with the anatomy of a stuffed doggy, these are eyeballs. Clearly, Fifty's insatiable appetite for torture had returned. But this time, the torturer would become the torturee...

Monday morning, The Husband returned with Fifty from their morning walk.

"Does he look ok to you?" he asked (The Husband was asking, not Fifty).

"A little tired, but I'm sure he's ok."

He was ok until the noises came. Fifty was making cat hair ball noises. (Cat hair ball noises sound bad enough from a cat. Can you imagine them from a 50lb puppy? Gross) And then...
(feeling squeamish... now is the time to look away)

{Exhibit B. Regurgitated Doggy Innards}

It was the size of a fist but I wasn't sure what it was. Until I found doggy. Doggy too had met his demise...

{Exhibit C. Tortured, Eyeless, Disemboweled Doggy}

Doggy had been disemboweled and Fifty had coughed up the evidence. He was pretty sick for the rest of the day. I'd love to say he's learned his lesson, but you can't teach a Psycho Killer new tricks.

fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa



  1. OK, I am literally LOL'ing right now! What a spectacular post! It is amazing how our dog babies, who really are human--and sometimes more than we are--but it really is something how they grow and teethe and, therefore, tear up everything. And, naturally, we scold them, yet feel bad about it afterwards. The Hubby and I have been through all of this three times over now, and I must say, it's always a joyride.

    I raise my glass to you, Fifty. You are a wonderful La Petite canine! Oh! And, really, Sara. I was most disappointed that it was your husband asking if Fifty looked okay, rather than vice-versa. But, alas, that would've probably been another post all in itself. *giggle*

  2. Oh do I count the ways...

    He is a doggy blog celebrity!! I always enjoy a good Fifty story!!

  3. My dog gets sick every time he eats birdseed from under the feeder - I know he hasn't made the connection. Oh furry boys - what can you do...

  4. Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou for the biggest giggle I have had in a long time (-:

  5. This post seriously had me laughing out loud. I've gone through the same sequence of events with my pup. Although I have successfully intervened a few times to patch up(sew) potentially fatal toy injuries, death is usually inevitable.

    You sweet fifty is too cute!

  6. Oh but he's so cute! I love his little puppy face in the first picture and the picture of Doggy's eyes! Fifty's cuteness definitely make him seem less like a stuffed-animal-serial-killer... Does he have a toy to love and torture now or have you given up on giving him cute fluffy babies? =)

    <3 MuffinLovesBiscuit

  7. Does Fifty get the squeakers out too? My dogs used to do "squeakectomies" on their "babies" removing the little noise maker. They were expert toy surgeons!

  8. hahah :D he is a monster with toys. My sister has 2 parson russels, they can rip of any toy but she found one that can take almost anything! "Råttis" rat toy (for kids) from Ikea! try that one if you have Ikea near ;)

  9. I remember the doggie eyeballs - that's hilarious. *sigh* they grow up so fast...

  10. Oh Fifty what have you done! He was a cute puppy though so I'll forgive him.

  11. Babies. Why do they have to grow up?

  12. You should get him some doggy stuffed animals that have no stuffing! We had to do that for my parents' dog and he loves his non-stuffing filled toys!

  13. Thanks for this post - what a riot!
    I too have come across many dismembered stuffies thanks to my foxhound, Copper. None of them stand a chance, esp. the "indestructable" ones...

  14. Hysterical! Although I must admit I am always overjoyed when the squeaky noise finally goes in the toys. With two pugs pounding away on their stuffed hamburger and hot dog to a symphony of "SQUEEK! SQUEEK SQUEEEEEEEEK! SQUEEK!" one could simply go insane.

    Run, run, run, run, run, run, run away.

  15. Hahaha oh my God, I'm dying over this post. There's no way you could stay mad when Fifty gives you those eyes.

    P.S. Morbid as it is, "as headless as Anne Boleyn" made my day.

  16. Dogs take out the eyes first so that the toy can't see to get away! Thats how Molly destroyed 100's of toys.

    Isn't the actress who plays Ann B on the Tudors FABULOUS??!!

  17. hahah omigosh, so true that dogs leave sad bits about like ears and eyeballs of their faux-doggie friends. HEE HEE

  18. lol. tang does the same thing. i think squeekers in toys only make them go crazier. they HAVE to find it and DESTROY it at all costs... sooo funny : )

  19. Perhaps squisky toys are no longer necessary?? LOL

  20. Fifty is adorable!! He sounds like he's from the 'hood (like 50 Cent,) he must be a tough boy.
    It's always so scary when pets eat things they shouldn't... you always have to keep an eye on them, since they can't speak for themselves!

  21. LOL. So cute. It reminds me of my cat...who hid 'toys' under the bed (including a Swiffer duster, ear plugs, Qtips dug up from the trash can...)...

  22. Ike, my dog, was sooooo gentle with his stuffed animals. My parents dogs, on the other hand, are psycho killers too, like fifty. No stuffed animal is safe. Not even tennis balls are safe. I love Fifty's puppy picture! How quickly they grow!

  23. The blog is very good!

  24. We had a Westie who used to go cra....zy for the catnip mice at the vets! I had to jerk her away many times...until once she got hold of one and before I could stop, she swallowed it whole! oh man. They gave her "throw up medicine": nothing happened. We waited and waited, for hours. Dog seemed fine. We analyzed the contents and it seemed they were water soluble: so not to worry. I took her home. She acted funny. Finally, up it came totally WHOLE! nothing had dissolved at all. Good thing she didn't choke on it coming back up! Gotta lov 'em!

  25. Your photos are hilarious! I especially love the Doggie Eyeballs. Funny thing about my dog - after many years and many more disemboweled toys, my dog still has the original toy I bought him as a young puppy. I think he's sentimental :)

  26. I've been in a stinky mood but those doggie eyeballs have lifted me - so so funny.

  27. Ha... way to go Fifty. Our dogs are little but they totally shred their toys in about 5 mins. Stuffing everywhere! It's the happiest 5 mins. of their little lives though. xo

  28. you always crack me up sara!

    your little furbaby is presh.

  29. that looks like what my dog does to stuffed animals. the other day when i was picking up poo in the yard i thought he had been bleeding...nope just the leg to one of his stuffed toys! i was upset but glad it came out!!


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