Saturday, July 17, 2010

Rules For Tourists

Today, Le Petit Village is hosting a small festival. It's small because Le Petit Village is small and small is all we can handle.

But even though it will be small, we are expecting an even greater number of tourists than normal (the parking lot was filled last night, with cars parked in the field next to it).

In an effort to help the tourists enjoy their time in Le Petit Village, I've come up with a few guidelines so we can all get along and play nice together...

1. Please keep your dog on the leash, unless you are a dog whisperer and I'm guessing that you are not. You don't know if your dog is going to play nice with the village dogs or perhaps, maybe one of the village dogs is in heat and you don't want to look like an idiot chasing your dog as it tries to get some while we all laugh at you (although that was very funny, thanks for the chuckle random tourist).

2. If you find a parking spot that is just too good to be true and the spot is outside someones front door, please use your noggin, and your manners. Don't park there. (And thank you random tourist, for all that exercise I got when you were in my parking spot and I was moving. All that lugging of bags and boxes to my far away parked car was a lot of fun for me.)

3. If you arrive in Le Petit Village before 9am on a Saturday or Sunday morning, please keep your voices down. Remember, there is no traffic and city noises to drown out your chatter and it's not our favorite way to wake up.

4. Please do not park your two camping vans in the middle of the public parking lot so no one else can park there, and then set up chairs so all fifteen of you can have your lunch (Belgians I'm looking at you). No one else can get in the parking lot and I could barely walk in to unload my recyclables. Why would you want to eat lunch three feet away from a recycling container anyway? Weirdos.

5. Please don't stare into house windows. That's just rude. I'm not doing anything quaint. You're not missing anything. Unless you would like to help me with the dishes and ironing, or perhaps walk Fifty, then by all means, knock on the door.

6. If I say bonjour, I'm being polite. It's polite to return the favor.

I will write these out on a large sign to hang around Grandma Honey. Grandma Honey is like the Sheriff of Le Petit Village and she knows everybody's business. She can wear it as she patrols the main street, using 'watering her flowers' or 'shooing cats away' as her excuse to be all up in everybody's grill.

Now, time for me to have my coffee, 

so I can play nice.


bisou



P.S. I'm feeling feisty this morning

P.S.S. But please notice how often I said please. I maybe feeling feisty, but I'm always polite.

16 comments:

  1. feisty but always polite is always the best way to go

    hehe i love all those rules

    xoxo

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  2. Please have a wonderful day and keep your feisty mood....
    Hugs
    Erna

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  3. funny. hope everyone follows the rules :)

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  4. I'm wondering if maybe even more people will be at the festival because of Le Tour de France.

    Your rules remind me of rules I would've liked to have posted outside my old apartment like:

    1) You don't need to yell into your cell phone. Your people can hear you. And I really don't need to hear the latest who's doing who news in your life. Especially at 3am.

    2) As much as the local kid's softball league is enthusiastic about the kickoff game of the season, we really don't want you creating your own parade at 8am on a Saturday. Nor does this encourage us to come to your game. In fact we will be pissed and likely vow to never ever attend a game even if my friend's kids play there.

    3) The gate slams. And right next to someone's bedroom. So just letting it slam shut while convenient for you is mean-spirited. Unless I can come slam a gate next to your face while you sleep.

    4) Stop honking and pick up the cell phone. The person you want to have come out and hop in your car can't hear you on a busy street.

    I haven't lived in that apartment for two years but as you can see, I still have issues.

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  5. There's a new sheriff in town. And they had better take her seriously.

    I live on a one way street,theoretically, and I patrol it constantly.

    Just before I commented here, I was outside telling a police officer that he was going the wrong way. Well, he was. I'm back inside now. Guess he's looking for "someone". Ok.

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  6. I like your rules and think they are reasonable. I wonder why tourists think they own the place? The part about looking in your window is just hilarious, not for you of course, but what do they think they are going to find?

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  7. Sarah, you have more peeping Tom's in your windows! Damn tourists! xo

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  8. LOL Okay I know it's probably not so funny for you. But the vision of Grandma Honey enforcing these rules just makes me giggle. Hang tough!

    ps- if I were in Le Petit Village I would knock on your door and walk Fifty. Promise!

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  9. LOL!!! Grandma up in everyone's grill! Love it!

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  10. LOL Hilarious as always! :) The picture of a grandma like character all up in someone's face had me snort my morning cup of juice (all out of coffee, damn...) so thank you for that :)

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  11. Bonjour Sara Louise,
    Great list, sometimes tourists just need a little help! Here's to Grandma HOney enforcing these little tips!
    Bon week-end,
    Mimi

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  12. When I lived in a big tourist town as a kid, we'd give the tourists who asked bad directions sometimes. Not thenicest thing I've ever been involved in.

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  13. Ah, Homemaker Man, you are not alone. Used to do that, too. It was so fun!

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  14. Hell those rules apply for more places than just Le Petit Village, we could use some of those here in LA too.....

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  15. I think another tourist rule should be to not, you know, have a look that screams I'M A TOURIST, PLEASE PICK MY POCKET.

    Last year my husband and I were getting on a gondola in the Alps to go down, and lady stepped off and she was earnestly wearing the following: One rainbow coloured fluffy hat--it looked like she'd scalped a Care Bear--an American flag bandana around her neck ala cowboy style, white short shorts that were a bit snug, and a bedazzled washed out jean jacket with an image of some sort of horse on the back, rearing up. It could have been a unicorn. Oh, and the camera was around her neck and her mouth was hanging open in awe of the sight before her. Can't blame her for that one though.

    That's my two cents on the tourist phenomenon.

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  16. ugh. i HATE when you say hello and people don't say anything back... RUDE. and it's not like you don't know the language. you don't have to fluent in french to know 'bonjour'. manners, people!

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